THE EXHILARATION OF STEPPING THROUGH FEAR!

Although I intellectually know that fear is an illusion (False Evidence Appearing Real), tell that to my ego!  Oh, my critical mind has quite the intimate relationship with fear.

On Friday I received an email asking if I’d be willing to speak for a few minutes at a women’s summit about the value I’ve received being in women’s circles and I immediately said, “YES!!”   Oh wow, this is the moment I’ve been waiting for!  I get to be on stage as mySelf, sharing about my experience  Not the actor Kani who gets to put on a costume and be someone else.  Not the dancer Kani who gets to self express without saying a word.  No, this Kani….the aspiring Speaker Kani, speaking as myself!!!

Then the fear kicks in………..……silence……………….heart constricting, body slumping, eyes getting bigger and bigger, shallow breathing …………………….

Ohhhhhhhhhh crap………what did I get myself into?!  What am I going to say?  What is my story?  I don’t have a story!!!  OMG, what if I get up there and I freeze?  Oh good golly, how can I be authentic when I’ve received more in-the-trenches support from my male friends than women?!?   I don’t have anything important or interesting to say.  That was a stupid thing to do ~ why would you wanna put yourself out there like that and be all naked and vulnerable?  I’m not qualified to be up there because I haven’t gone through transformation like the others, I haven’t come out the other end of transformation like the others have, blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!!!

Damn ~ Doubt had taken over again.  Doubt thinks it’s the most powerful thing in the world!  Doubt is incredibly proud of its ability to keep Kani small and “safe”.  Doubt ruffles its feathers and struts around like its the King of the World.

Luckily, I have an amazing friend/colleague who I can voice dialogue with and allow all the parts of my Selves to be heard.  Through the process, I got to see that I still have unhealed wounds around being ambushed by a bunch of girls in Jr. High and hence not fully allowing myself to trust women since.  Gotta love that multi-layered onion!

I also got to face a core imprinting that I’ve been holding on to for such a long time.  The story I’ve been holding onto is that “I have no voice.  I’m not supposed to speak.  It’s not safe to speak out.”   Besides the typical “witch burned at the stake” lifetimes, I’ve also had many of lifetimes where I was tortured, mutilated, and killed for speaking out.

Yes, of course, that was lifetimes ago but there’s still some unhealed trauma in my dna.  Add to that a physically and emotionally abusive father in this lifetime who never let me speak and two sisters who would tell me to shut up and not rock the boat, you can see how I was coming up against resistance as if my life were in danger!!!!  RED ALERT, RED ALERT!!!

What might seem like a little, insignificant thing to one person can seem like a life-or-death situation to another.   Have you ever heard the idea that the thing you fear/resist the most is perhaps the thing that will set you free?  Well, I’ve known in my heart for a long time now that my greatest healing in this lifetime is to take back my voice.  To rise up and be heard.  To speak my truth.  To speak the universal truths even if that means balking the status quo.

Well, Universe was loving enough to give me a taste of what it would be like to take my voice back in a safe environment as I got to stand on that stage yesterday in front of a hundred women and share my story.  (I do have a story!)   And guess what?  It wasn’t so bad after all!!!  And guess what?  I can no longer say I have no voice or that it’s not safe to speak or that no one wants to hear what I have to say because I’ve gained evidence otherwise.   Thank you Universe!!  And while I’m still in this expanded space, I’m requesting more opportunities to speak up and out to reinforce the new beliefs I’m creating about it being safe to speak.

The little kid in me wants to tell anyone who’s coming up against a fear and stuck at that terror barrier, “Come on in, the water’s fine!”  I am even more jazzed up about supporting others in breaking through their fears than ever before!!   The more we can step through our fears, the freer we will be!   If you’re wanting support in a nonthreatening, playful way let’s come up with a way to bust through your non supportive beliefs.  Click here to sign up for a complimentary breakthrough session or for my contact info to contact me directly.

Here’s to freedom!!!

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NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Have you ever made a decision with such conviction that whatever you declared was going to happen, was going to happen no matter what?  I remember when I left the “rat race” and lived life on my terms on a ranch up in Southern Washington, I had experienced a sense of freedom like I had never experienced before.  Although there was always work to do, I didn’t punch a time clock and didn’t have a “boss” breathing down my back.  This was my first taste of living “outside of the box.”

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When I sensed my time at the ranch was coming to a completion, I wasn’t sure what was in store for me next and of course I was scared I would end up homeless.  Yet, all I knew was that I WAS NOT GOING BACK TO THE RAT RACE!!!  There were no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.  Because I had shut that back door, it actually created the space for another opportunity to enter into my life.

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I was gifted with the opportunity to hang out for several months in beautiful Bend, Oregon.  Again, I felt a sense of time freedom like I had never had before.  I could do what I wanted when I wanted.  It was a great experience of living an alternative lifestyle.

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Of course my time was coming to a close in Bend and once again, I was back to deep inquiry as to what was next in my life.  Again, I made the declaration that I was NOT GOING BACK TO THE RAT RACE!!!  I got real clear on what I wanted and wrote it all down.  Exactly one week later, an opportunity with everything I had written down to the tee, had appeared!!! It came quickly because I was very clear with what I wanted and that laser focus cut through any objections my subconscious mind might have had.

Those are a couple of the big “parting of the Red Sea” moments in my life, yet I find that making declarations in everyday life is just as powerful.  Today, my colleague and I set up a table at the local mall and offered free mini readings, healings, and counseling sessions.  It started off slow and at one point my colleague thought about throwing in the towel because it wasn’t ‘happening.’   I told him he could leave early if he wanted but I was staying because I wanted to declare to the Universe that I’m not giving up that easy.  And of course as soon as I made that declaration and decided to stay, the people came!  🙂   My favorite was a woman whose birthday it was today.  She said that she was gifted with a reading with a Psychic but never got a return phone call to set up the reading so when she saw our table, she knew this was the birthday gift for her.  How powerful is she that she manifested a reading even though it didn’t come to her how she thought it would?!?    It was such an honor to support her in creating a clear vision for the next 365 days.

So my question to you is, how often do you make declarations to the Universe that NO MATTER WHAT,  ___________ is going to happen?!   I believe this is the real key to manifestation and true power.  It’s a total alignment of the body, mind, heart, and soul.  There is no wavering.  I remember taking T Harv Eker’s Warrior Training and one of the tenets is “My word is law”.    I’m getting that on a deeper, visceral level and I’m excited about playing with this more.  Who’s wanting to play with me?  I’d love to hear about your NO MATTER WHAT experiences.  Please share here or on my Facebook page.  Let’s all start creating the life we want because we say so!!!  Aho!!!

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http://www.kanikidocoaching.com

 

Ode To The Birds…..

Have you ever been in a such a playful state where you’re so in the flow that magic just naturally happens?  That’s what 2016 has been like thus far.  It actually started at the end of 2015 when I went home to Southern California to visit my family for the holydays.  I found a deck of Doreen Virtue’s “Life Purpose” cards on one the bookshelves in my old room.  Apparently my sister didn’t resonate with them because they were unopened.  Being the Life/Soul Purpose Coach that I am, I thought it would be fun to try the cards out for size.  As I was shuffling, almost in a tongue-in-cheek way, I kept asking, “What is my life purpose?  (wink, wink)  What is my life purpose?”  (wink, wink)

The three cards I picked were:

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Here’s where I get to come out of the closet.  Those in my inner circle know this, however, not everyone might know that I am first and foremost a Spiritual Teacher/Bodyworker/Healer and that I use Life Coaching as a means to share my intuitive gifts.  So it was no surprise that I picked these cards.

Being the impish faerie that I am, I decided to ask the Universe what the first steps would be to share my gifts in a succinct way as I went for a walk along the horse trail by my house.  Within 100 yards into my walk I felt and heard the flapping of the wings of a bird so close to me, I almost fell to the ground taking cover!  As I composed myself, I looked up to see one of the most beautiful, graceful, majestic White Herons!

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I must’ve stood in awe for a good 5 minutes as I took in the energy/wisdom of this messenger.  I thanked it for its message and went on my merry way.  As I was walking along the hills on this crisp winter day the mountains were sooooo alive!  The insects and animals were soooooo alive!  The land was sooooo alive!  I felt like Snow White with the birds and cows and horses and mountains speaking to me.  In that moment, as the plant kingdom, animal kingdom, and the devas asked me to be their messenger of love, peace, joy, and play, I accepted!  Here is a poem that came out of me in that moment.  (Mind you I am not a poet!)

Freeeeeee to be me, I see

you San Bernardino Apus

Thank you hills of Chino Hills

where I feel expansive, permissive

attuned, resumed

recharged, in charge

of my destiny.

To thee

hummingbirds, squirrelies, bunnies, ponies

I bow and vow

to embrace and claim my place

as Shamaness Goddess Earth-Dancer Channel of higher forces unseen.

For this day I say

YES!

Let it be known as I have been shown

That I vow to leave a wake of love

wherever the path may take me.

Aloha ke Akua

So of course as soon as I got home I looked up what Crane medicine was.  I thought for sure it was a crane I saw!  Here’s what one of the sources said:

Graceful, terrestrial birds the cranes’ call can be long, harsh and penetrating.  It helps us connect with our primal origins and teaches us how to utilize the power of sound appropriately.  It holds the medicine of self expression and shows us how to vocalize our truth.  Those with this totem benefit from all types of voice therapy including singing, speaking, and chanting.  This beautiful bird helps us release our fear as we move into unchartered territory.  It helps us discover our personal grace and agility.  It teaches us to express ourselves with integrity and conviction and most importantly it restores our faith in ourselves and in spirit.

Of course this applies as well because the crane kingdom was in my face as well!  I received a couple of Christmas cards with cranes on them and cranes unexpectedly came up in conversations.

The reason why the crane medicine is apropos as well is because I have gone through certain experiences in my life that have challenged me in speaking my truth or vocalizing with conviction…..from not being able to have a voice as a child, to being made fun of because of my “Disney/Cinderella” voice, to being told not to sing my solo in two regional musical theatre shows…  And I recently took back my power when I performed a Hawaiian oli (chant) last month for the first time in public!

Back to the White Heron…..So I looked up White Heron medicine as well.  Here’s what it says:

You love to explore various activities and dimensions of Earth life.  On the surface, this may seem like a form of dabbling, but more than likely you are wonderfully successful at being a traditional “Jack of all trades.”  This ability enables you to follow your own path.  Most people will never quite understand the way you live because on the surface it seems to be unstructured without stability or security to it.  It is, though, just a matter of perspective.  There is security underneath it all, for it gives you the ability to do a variety of tasks.

This totem has given me peace knowing that all of my various interests and passions are on purpose….that my grassroots Faerie/Angel work doing random acts of kindness in the commUnity is just as purposeful as my bringing through the ancient knowledge through my Shamanic dancing and that my energy healing work is just as purposeful as my life coaching practice.

It all comes down to doing what I/you/we love doing that contributes to living a meaningful life.  So, in homage to the sacred teachings/messages of the bird kingdom, I became a channel of their divine grace at a Temple Dance this past Friday night.

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Whether you feel lost in the minutia of day-to-day life or you have so many passions that you’re not sure where to focus your attention, perhaps I would be able to help you gain clarity in living to your fullest potential?  Click here and sign up for your complimentary Life Purpose Discovery Session or ask to be added to my newsletter .  Let’s start embracing our gifts, and dance as if no one is watching!!!

Aho!

http://www.kanikidocoaching.com